Ever wondered why?

"W T F ?"

Have you ever wondered "why the hell?"? Why me? Why not? Why now? Why didn't it work? Why couldn't this have happened, or that not have happened?

Yeah, me too.

Well, let me tell you the answer - because it was meant to be!

There is a grand plan for you, and everything right now, is happening as it is meant to. You have to trust these two things -

a) everything passes - the good times, and the bad times

and,

b) you can always get something good out of something bad.


I can think of half a dozen situations that baffled me at the time - and now, make complete sense.

Why did I leave everything to move to Melbourne from my home in Sydney for my boyfriend, only to catch him cheating on me and have to move back to Sydney only a couple of months after I left?

Why did I have a psychotic episode from smoking pot and then an ensuing nervous breakdown followed by years of panic disorder?

Why did I finally quit working in nightclubs to get my very first 9-5, respectable day job, to have that company go broke and make me redundant?

Why did I meet "the man of my dreams" who was a lawyer, an absolute darling of a person, who my family adored - who adored me, and was tall, dark and handsome - and feel absolutely zero attraction to him no matter how hard I tried? (and I really did try!!)

Why did a colleague of my mum's go to a workshop and in passing tell mum about it, mum mention this neuropsychologist to me, and why was I the very last patient she took on before she closed her books?

 All valid questions and all frustrating or freaky situations.

Well,

When I was 20 years old I moved to Melbourne for a few short months, because that's where I met Linda. Linda was my next door neighbor, and was a fill-in mum to me when I was 2000 km away from my mum. Linda and I would have scones and a cuppa, we would go shopping and I would drive her to the city because she was nervous driving in the city. We instantly formed a bond, that 21 years later is still strong.

Linda changed my life. Linda was absolutely instrumental in me becoming who I am today. Linda was my angel.

We would talk about stuff and Linda, being a caring, intuitive woman, introduced me to a book that I call my bible - "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck. This book taught me to look inside and evaluate myself, my feelings, and my behaviour. This book taught me that because of my upbringing, I had a "map" of life that was wrong, and that I had the power to re-write that map to become a better human being. This wonderful book ignited a roaring fire in my belly for psychology that still burns today. I even bought a psychology text book and read it from cover to cover - I mean, who does that?!?!?!?

By Linda giving me that book and opening my mind to the world, my potential and the endless possibilities in my life, I began to change myself. At 21 years old I began seeing a counsellor to work on being a nice person. From that moment on, I have worked hard to better myself, pretty much every day of my life thus far, I still am, and always will be!

I will forever be grateful for my angel Linda in pointing me in the right direction in life. Yes, I had my heart broken and was shredded raw from that awful break-up, but it was a small price to pay to have been turned around a full 180 degrees, from a girl who worked in nightclubs with her criminal father, surrounded by drugs and bad people, from being someone who wasn't a very nice person, to become the honest, wise, loving, caring, nerdy scientist I am today!

My Angel  :-)

Why did I have an overwhelming, chaotic, horrifying nervous breakdown from smoking pot? Because now I am a staunch advocate for a drug-free life. Because I know what drugs can do to you. Because I am so grateful it wasn't permanent. Because I have empathy for people who haven't been so lucky. And because when I had a little sister who was under a lot of peer pressure to take drugs I was able to talk frankly and openly to her about my experience so she could make the correct decisions about her life and become the successful woman she is today.

Why did I suffer excruciatingly from panic disorder? Because I came out triumphant! I learnt how to fight, I learnt I was STRONG, and I kicked it's ass. This scary experience has enabled me to be incredibly good at working with people who are anxious, and intuitively know how to help empower them. I am able to share my experience and the tools I used (and still do) so that they might be able to gain some mastery over it. It has made me thoughtful and empathetic towards those who struggle with mental illness, and my triumph often encourages them in thinking they can win too. I am so grateful for having been through that as I am so very blessed by being able to give back to others going through tough times too.

Why did I lose my first ever 9-5 day job? Because it made me take a good hard look at my life and think "what do I want to do for the rest of my life?", and consider university.

My "perfect guy" gave me the courage and support to take a giant leap at 30 years of age, and leave everything I knew to apply for university - he even wrote me a personal referral to vouch for me in my application. His encouragement and belief in me helped me on my journey to become the person I am today!

My mums colleague told her about my psychologist who has guided me so much further than I ever thought I would be able to go. After working on myself for so long I felt that I was stuck with certain anxieties and issues - I was wrong! With Jan's help I have been able to overcome SO MUCH and become so much happier with myself and my life - and now I am blogging and sharing it with the world. Who wudda thought??

It's amazing when you look back and see how all of those turning points, those crises, how those perplexing moments have made you who you are today, and nice to know that whatever is happening now will be looked back upon with the same understanding.

So, never worry about the why's or the why not's, just look for the lesson. Learn, love your life, enjoy the journey and always remember that crisis = opportunity.

Without the bad you cannot fully appreciate the good.

Great things happen - they already are!

xx

Stuck at 103

This is how I feel about being 103 kg!

Sooo, I'm 103 - yay! 5 kilos down.

And not budging.

When I started this blog, on thursday 13 September I was 108 kg, and by sun 23rd Sep I was 105 - 3 kilos in just 10 days (you gotta love the first part of a diet!).

By thursday 4th October I was 103.4 kilos - almost 5 kilos gone, amazing!!! In only 3 weeks! I was elated, and it made sticking to my new way of life so, so easy!

And then came the inevitable bump in the road - Darwin. 5 days of slightly messed-up eating and that damn alcohol consumption! Here's what my weight has done since the 4th October:

04 Oct - 103.4
15 Oct - 104.9
16 Oct - 103.5
17 Oct - 103.0
18 Oct - 103.2
19 Oct - 103.0

So if I hadn't gone to Darwin I wouldn't have gone backwards almost 2 kilos, and I wouldn't be back where I was 2 weeks ago. But that's life isn't it? Yep. Just like anything in life, you fall down, and you get yourself right back up again.

The main thing is - in weight loss, or life in general, is to remember the positive - I've still lost 5 kilos, and yes, I still have a very long way to go. But, I am putting healthy food into my mouth, I am moving my body, I am treating myself with respect, and I am not focusing on the bumps in the road - my eyes are scanning the beautiful scenery of life whilst looking towards that horizon, where I am headed.

Keep your mind on the destination, but please, remember to enjoy the journey.

Think of it like a road trip with a friend - or your sister  ;-)

You get up early, finish packing  your bags, load the car, get the map (or GPS) ready, and off you go! You have to stop at the service station for fuel - and a coffee. Along the way you sing songs, laugh, play eye-spy. You stop for lunch, you stop at the lookout and take photos of the gorgeous scenery. You get pulled over by a policeman for speeding - doing 60km in a 40km zone not realizing the speed limit had changed. You start feeling sleepy  but push on until you get to that silly tourist attraction - a giant piece of fruit. And of course you have to take rude, inappropriate photos with it - it has to be done! You re-fuel, and off you go again, singing and laughing once more, doing awesome car dancing moves that really should be on YouTube. You get stuck at roadworks, you hit a giant pothole and panic thinking you're going to get a flat tyre. After 7 hours of driving you start cursing yourself! Why the hell didn't you just fly?!?!?!? Arrrrrgh!!! You stop for a nap as you just cant drive any further and stay safe. You go in to the local shop for some food - and all they have is day-old pies. Oh well, you get a pie, a coke, and chocolate. An hour after eating that you feel sick, but, your heart beat starts to quicken - only an  hour to go! With each kilometer your excitement grows, your energy rises again, until finally, you make it!!!!

You finally make to your destination and instantly, that big pothole, the roadworks, the tiredness, that pie, are all forgotten - you made it!!!!! You chat and laugh about the fun things you did along the way, re-living how fun the road trip has been, and thoroughly enjoy the excited, triumphant feeling of having made it to your destination, and having the exciting time of planning all the great things you're going to do now that you're there - oh the fun you will have!!!


Here's some pics from one of the many road trips I had with my sister  :-)

 

 

Love my sista xx

Derailed in Darwin

Gorgeous sunset at Mindil Beach

Sooooo, the big question - how I have I been managing my diet at the conference in Darwin? Well let's see, on wednesday I broke my diet, on thursday I broke my diet, friday, ummmm, oh yeah, I broke my diet, aaaand saturday I broke my diet.

Pretty awesome huh? Not.

I'm not looking forward to stepping on those scales when I get home and see what damage I've done.

On the brightside - 'cause there's always a bright side, I mostly stuck to it, and my breaches were minor, and taught me a lesson which will help me in the future. This lesson is -

Putting the wrong stuff in your body makes you feel crap!

On day one I ate a small piece of cheesecake (not the base) and on day two I ate some of the marscapone cream out of the tiramisu. My reasoning was - "I'm allowed cheesecake at home (the Atkins kind) and I'm allowed cream (ah, but what about all the sugar that's probably in it?"). So, I talked myself into it being OK when really it wasn't. After both of these diet breaches I was flattened by the sugar high followed by the sugar low and had to go back to the apartment for a nap. It smashed me! I felt crap. After that I didn't eat anything I shouldn't - no matter how yummy!

The deserts I resisted at the conference dinner.

Despite this I actually think I did really well - I planned what to do, and as soon as I arrived I went straight to the supermarket and bought chicken, eggs, cheese ham and bacon. I brought Atkins bars and sugar-free jelly with me from home. When eating the conference food everyone I spoke to was supportive and helped me "eat animals and green stuff". I picked the meat out of sandwiches one day, ate a whole plate of just barramundi (yum!) another day, and picked the beef out of a curry the other. At the functions I didn't really eat as there wasn't much suitable - but I had prepared for that and eaten at the apartment before I left. We were taken out for dinner one night and I ate fish, avoiding any of the entrees and bread successfully. When I went to the Mindil markets (OMG, amazing!), I had a crocodile sirloin steak sandwich without the bread and the guys preparing it were very supportive of the no carb thing, discussing with me what was in the various sauces and chutney and offering alternatives - the macadamia and lemon myrtle pesto was to die for! I had lemongrass prawn skewers that made me want to weep they were so crisp, fresh and delicious! Amazing, fresh local Darwin produce.

Crocodile sirloin - yum!!

Mindil sunset markets

They were the best, and most enormous markets I've ever seen!

Sunset at Mindil Beach

So what's the big deal you say? Sounds like I was really good! Ah yes, but we are forgetting the alcohol! Damn, delicious, irresistible alcohol. On night one I had decided to have one or two champagnes in celebration of how well I had done thus far - and had six. On night two I had another two glasses. On night three I had 4 beers - but at least chose the low carb beer which isn't quite as bad. I also had a glass of champagne when I got back to the apartment. And then on night four I had several champagnes. Hopeless!

Oh well, what do ya do?

Answer - you dust yourself off and pick yourself up! Im thinking of the of the positives - imagine what I would have done if I was eating anything I wanted? The desserts, the bread, the pastries, the greasy, fatty, carby finger food. Oh geeze, I could have done much MUCH worse!

So overall, I'm actually pretty happy with myself. I could have done better, but I could have done a hell of a lot worse. I have had a great time, I have seen more of our beautiful country and I have been touched by the support and loveliness of the people I know, and the people I met. Although the stifling heat and humidity was almost unbearable, Darwin has been a wonderful, and beautiful adventure both visually and emotionally.

Below are some photos from my trip, if you haven't been to Darwin, head on over and have a look at our beautiful country and have a chat with the friendly people here. If you can spare a few days absolutely get in to see Katherine Gorge, Kakadu and take a visit to Arnhem Land and learn more about our indigenous people and their history.

See you in a few kilos (not sure if that will be plus a few, or minus a few!). xx

Cute little bearded dragon. I love him!!

2 yr old croc - so soft!

3 metre water python. Such a beautiful animal.

One of the hatchlings

800 kilo Wendel - a big BIG boy of around 90 yrs

700 kilo Burt starred in the movie Crocodile Dundee!

Wandering through the art installations

So you know what all the weird fridges are about!

My favourite - check out the helipad!

Watching the sunrise while having breakfast.

 

Isn't Darwin amazing?!?   xx