Life at 108

Whats it like being 108 kg?

One word - uncomfortable!!!  And not much fun.

For those of you around 70 kg, imagine carrying a 38 kilo bag of rice around with you everywhere you go. Imagine sitting down carrying 38 kilos, getting up out of your chair carrying 38 kilos, getting in and out of your car with 38 kilos, walking up stairs or a hill with 38 kilos!! Its hard work lugging all that weight around 24/7.

Then, imagine some skinny, well-meaning wench, I mean girl, tells you to go to gym and get off your lazy ass! Oh yeah, easy for you to say you think. But, still, you do go, because you used to love the gym - its gona be great!!

So off you totter, to the gym, feeling chuffed with yourself for finally going. You get there ready to feel some magical force wash over you and fill you with motivation. But, oh yeah, this isnt so fun now.

You scan the room and yep, you're the biggest person there. Great.

The cardio machines are at the front of the gym so you have to walk in front of all the skinny people and present your ass to them, displaying it as it jiggles around as you walk on the treadmill. Aaaawesome.

The girl next to you is running with ease and you are struggling with a 6 km/hr walk! The hot guy who walks past is so hot, and yummy to look at, but perving on him just makes you feel sad, because you know theres no way he'd ever be interested in you. Yep, things have changed since the times of beating them back with a stick! You imagine how you look from behind, to all the people who have the unfortunate position at your rear. Yep, gym is awesome. Fantaaaastic. Ugh.

After half an hour of feeling very self-conscious you figure thats enough torture for the day and get off the stage, I mean, the treadmill, and trott off home. As you walk out the gym, relief increasing with each step, you cringe and duck your head down juuuust a little bit, wondering if the person at the front desk noticed that you only got there half an hour ago. How embarrassment - walk fast walk fast! And then finally, you get home, away from the spotlight, ahhhh, bliss. You busy yourself with dinner (or wine), and try to forget how awful that experience was, so you can hopefully muster up the courage to do it all again tomorrow - except you vow you will go for an hour tomorrow!!!

Yeah, its not so fun being overweight. Its not just feeling self-consious and lugging around the weight - its also how you always feel so hot! Well I guess fat is an insulator. Sometimes I feel like I must be going through menopause at 40!

Dont get me wrong, Im not saying "poor me, its not my fault and I'm so helpless", blah blah bah. No no, I got myself this way, I put the food into my mouth, I chose to eat instead of control myself sooner - if only I got addicted to drugs instead of food!! (juuuuust jokin!).

Now I am taking control, I'm OK with how I look for now, its temporary. But if you could just take a second to think of some of the large people you see around, and how hard it is for them to walk, and how much courage it takes for them to step outside their house - and if you see a large person at the gym, give them a smile so maybe they feel just that little less uncomfortable.

OK, so I am going to post some 108 kg photos below, and believe me I am cringeing, ahhhhhhh!!!!!! Why did I decide to do this blog??? Oh dear.

I just cant bring myself to post the "OMG Im in my underpants" photos just yet, but I will later when I have lost more weight and can do a before and after type thing. For now, you will just have to put up with the crappy, out of focus pics I took with jeans and a (big) t-shirt. I thought I would also take pics of my face because at the moment, I have a rather voluptuous face to match the rather voluptuous body!!!

OK, big breath, here I go...

Day One!

    

 This is my typical weekend outfit at the moment. Jeans and a big t-shirt. 

Because you totally cant see that I'm fat with the big shirt on!! Haha

Of course I cant help but take a couple silly photos too  :-)

 

And one of the voluptous 108kg face.

OK, I've had my heart attack from sharing that with the world. Thank you so much for reading, and accompanying me on my journey. Perhaps for some, it may have even helped open your eyes just that little bit more so you can see the beauty around you -  in all its different packages!

See you in a few kilos!! Woo hoo!!!!!!