Silliness in the Silly Season

So, we all do it - the work Christmas lunch, the friends Christmas get-together, Christmas drinks with various friends and groups. The hangover food the following day - followed by more drinking. Then comes Christmas - a day (or two) of eating non-stop a whole bunch of food you wouldn't normally eat. Trifle for breakfast, croissants smothered in jam & cream, fruit mince pies, chocolate, fruit cake, chips and dips. Ham turkey AND lamb on one plate! You try to be good and fill your plate with salad and veggies, but you also have a glass of champagne in the other hand. You eat, you drink, you feel sick, you swear you wont do it again. But then the next day there are mountains of leftovers - so you have to eat it. And so continues the eating and drinking too much theme. New years eve approaches and you start telling  yourself "There's no point stopping now, I have new years yet. But I'll stop after that". So you still drink more alcohol than you would normally, and you eat food you wouldn't normally eat, all while telling yourself its OK because in a few days THAT'S IT!

Well my friend, if this is you, don't despair, you are normal. They don't call it "the silly season" for nothing. The best way to tackle it is what my mum calls "harm minimisation" Sure, you might be perfect, but most of us arent. So if you overindulge, dont berate yourself, just enjoy it and stop early, or add lots of water, go for a walk, look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you love your body and want to take care of it. Try not to put toxins into it, or if you do, try to put in less. Just try your best to look after your health, stop when you think to stop, and don't do the "well it's too late now" thing to yourself - it's never too late!

Just yesterday I was at work and there were heaps of left-over Christmas cakes and sweets around, I eventually gave in and grabbed a fruit mince tart - pure sugar! I chewed it and it tasted soooo sweet! So, I spat it out and threw the rest away! Never too late!

Enjoy the silly season, cherish the time spent with friends and family. have heaps of fun and live life to the full! If you overindulge or get a bit silly this silly season, never fear, it's all a part of life - enjoy it, embrace it, and then move along!

This weight loss journey has been interesting for me. It has been relatively easy but I think that is because I'm not putting huge expectations on myself. I'm not setting myself up to fail. This silly season my goal has not been to keep losing weight - for me, that's unrealistic! 'Im a really social person and I enjoy my bubbles. So my goal instead, has merely been to not put on weight (or not much anyway). So I had lost 10 kg, and so far so good, I am still 98 kg - despite eating and drinking like it was my last Christmas! I haven't starved myself to make up for it, I just went back to the same healthy eating  I was doing before. I have been out every weekend - out again tonight, and again for NYE and I will be drinking champagne. I have had maccas hangover food - but this time, I'm eating less, I'm making better choices, and I'm not continuing it all day. I will have a burger and rip off most of the bun. I wont have chips and I only ever have sugar-free soft drink, or just soda water. I have been far from perfect, but I am really proud of myself. My weight has stayed the same and I have treated my body with more care than any other silly season before.

Thanks for reading my blog - I hope you had a fantastic Christmas and are enjoying the silly season. Have a great night welcoming in the new year and I look forward to sharing the fun and games of 2013 with you.

Big hugs - see you next year!!

Christmas in Australia = hot days, humid nights, seafood, champagne, BBQ's and beer!

Strong, Powerful Words!

I just watched this short video and was absolutely covered in goosebumps!

What a powerful message!

What an inspirational woman.

Hope you enjoy. xx

http://en.avaaz.org/1198/watch-this-and-youll-never-think-of-the-word-pretty-the-same-way-again?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social_media&utm_content=_left&utm_campaign=hot-videos&utm_term=db_newsletter

Cracking the Hundred

 

Finally!!!!!

10.5 kilos gone - booyah!

I am finally down from triple, to double digits - woo hoo!! There's something awesome about not seeing that 1 in front of the other numbers. Wow it's been slow, but I know - without a doubt - that it is permanent, and THAT is awesome!

Fast weight loss is a quick fix, a quick hit of "make me feel good", but it is only temporary, and often ends in disaster - gaining it all back again, and often even more. It's funny, so many children's stories have so much merit - remember the "slow and steady wins the race" message we all got from "The Tortoise and the Hare"? Well, it still rings true today, and particularly relevant for weight loss. In fact, the slower it is, the more permanent is is likely to be.

I have been far from perfect in my weight loss. I have eaten "naughty" stuff, I have had alcohol about a million times, and I have done pretty much no exercise. Yet, here I am, 10.5 kilos down, and still going strong. It's also good to know that I still have "things up my sleeve" for when I hit the inevitable plateau and stop losing weight at some point.

My message to you all, is that  you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be persistent. Keep chipping away at those fat cells.

See you in a few kilos!!!!

Friends - the Family You Choose

 

I may have been unlucky in some ways, but MAN, have I been lucky in the friendship department!!

If you have great friends - cherish them! Make the effort to keep in touch, spend time with them, love them! My friends are as close to me as family - they are my family!!!!

I have the most amazing friends who I have RIDICULOUS amounts of fun with!!! These girls are gorgeous, smart, strong, good, fun people - and I have made this slideshow to share some of the fun we've had.

Thanks for your love, your support, your inspiration, your laughs - and tears, thanks for putting up with me for all of these years, and thanks for all the fun! I love you all sooooo much!!!!

You fill my belly with laughs, my face with smiles and my heart with joy!

Body of Love

Im 40 years old and for my entire life, I hated my body.

I have abused it, disrespected it, treated it without care, poisoned it with drugs, alcohol, bulimia, starvation, toxins and misuse. I have not cared for it, never ever looked after it. I have looked at it and swore at it, said horrific things to it, been disgusted by it, wished it away, wished it was something else, some other body. And I have vehemently hated it.

Yet my body has never failed me, it has never given up on me, it has never faltered. It loves me unconditionally. No matter what I do to it or say to it, it responds with steadfast love. My body is a miraculous piece of artwork, designed by God. It is perfect. It has never let me down. My body has been through many trials and tribulations, many physical feats. It has hiked the Andes mountains to 4200 meters above sea level where it received only half the oxygen it needs, with completely fatigued muscles, a torn, shredded ankle and carrying 20 kilos of excess weight. My body never failed me on that trip, although my muscles screamed, my ankle kept giving way and my breath came in laboured gasps, it kept putting one foot in front of the other, in front of the other, in front of the other…

When I reached the top of that mountain I had a special moment. I cried. I realised just how amazing my body is, how no matter what obstacle placed in front of it my body just kept going. It never quit on me. When the pain was so intense it forced air out of my lungs in a sharp gasp, it did not stop. Standing on top of that mountain, looking over the magnificent scenery of that beautiful place, I cried and felt a huge flood of emotion, of love, for my body. Gratitude and thankfulness for what God has given me. And awe.

My body is beautiful, it is loving, it is kind. It is strong. It gives me my hearts desire, it never complains. No matter what I do to it, it forges ahead, it never stops. How could I hate it? I adore it. I am so grateful for it. I am so proud of it.

I am so blessed to have a body that has all its intended parts, it is cancer-free, healthy and thriving. I am so very blessed to have a perfect, healthy body.

I will never tell it I hate it again. I will love and cherish it, and nurture it like the precious gift that it is.

We worry so much about how we look, what people think of us, what size our bodies are, what shape, what proportion, when what we should be doing is taking care of it, cherishing it, loving it and being thankful for it.

In my work I meet people every day whose bodies are failing them. Their bodies do not have all the intended parts, they are not cancer-free and they are not healthy and thriving. How dare I take my body for granted when the person next to me wishes they had my health, my strength, my immune system. How dare I?

The answer is I do not dare, I shall nevermore. I shall cherish, nourish and love my body and I encourage you to realise the beauty of your body. As your body has loved you, may you forever love it.. As your body has supported you unfailingly, support it. Love your body unconditionally. And as your body has you, never, ever give up on it.


 
Hope you enjoyed :-)
Below I have posted a bunch of pics I love about loving your body.

See you in a few kilos!  xx

Don't hate on thin girls - many of them are struggling with loving their bodies too!

 

 

 

Hahahaha, It's not quite right for this post but it made me giggle  :-)

SATC (Shopping and the City)

OMG, shopping when you are a voluptuous chicky can really be veeeery confronting! Shopping in the CITY, when you are a voluptuous chicky is much, MUCH more confronting - and upsetting!

I went shopping with my gorgeous, fit, young, friend on the weekend (yes, she makes me sick  haha), looking for some outfits for her as she has lost so much weight she needed new clothes. She'd gone from a HUGE size 14 (rolling my eyes) to a size 8-10 depending on the shop (love you - you know who you are!).

So we headed into the city and went to all the funky, cool shops, bopping away to the music, laughing and chatting and buying RIDICULOUS amounts of clothing in each store. Man can we shop! Haha

We shopped for four and a half hours! Yes, that's right, four and a half!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

That translated as HELL for a bigger girl.

Firstly, all the cute clothes I lusted over would look crap on me. Secondly, many of the sales assistants ignored me or looked down their noses at me - not one of them actually asked me if I wanted assistance. In 4.5 hours of shopping. Seriously?! Thirdly, the clothes that I thought wouldn't look so bad, didn't have my size.  And fourthly, and most importantly, the clothes that had my size (or so I thought) didn't fit me. It's really upsetting pulling up a size 18 pair of pants and not being able to get them over your thighs.

Then there are all the mirrors.

OMG, to see my ass, my thighs and my double-chin from every angle almost brought me down. At one point I caught my profile and just stared at my chin. "Wow, I really look awful." I realised to myself.

It was very sobering.

So, what to do?? I'll tell you what to do - you say "Fuck it!".

It is what it is.

Getting down on yourself isn't going to help you - in fact, it's more likely to make you want to reach for that chocolate or a bag of chips. It might make you fall off that wagon and go hell for leather!

You accept it - "Yep, I'm overweight", you try to use factual words rather than abusive words ("I'm overweight", not "I'm fat"), you be nice to yourself - "Hey, I've lost 7 kilos, I'll get there", and you find the joy - "I'm having so much fun with my friend!"

I enjoyed picking out clothes for my friend and encouraging her to try different things, I was so happy for her in how great she looked and how good she felt being healthy. We had great chats and laughs, and i spent 4.5 hours of quality time with one of my best friends.

So did I have a terrible time? Nope. I had a few moments of getting upset, but I sucked it up and looked at the good stuff.

We all can do that - whether it is weight, health, relationships or circumstances. It's easy to go to that negative place and focus on all the bad stuff, but its way easier and doable if you see the good stuff. As cheesy as it was, that song was right-

 "Always look on the briiiiight siide of life...." 

See you in a few kilos...  xx

Forgive Me Father For I have Sinned

Yes, I am guilty! I have committed the ultimate sin!!! I have gained 2.5 kilos.

Fuck.

One week ago I had lost 7 kilos!!! I had gone from 108 kg to 101 kg - wooot!!! And then I let my attention slip! Losing 7 kilos made me feel so elated, successful, empowered! I had finally lost a significant amount of weight in  healthy way for the very first time - I was really proud of myself. My weight loss app on my phone told me I would reach my goal of 80kg by March 2013 - that's 28 kilos in less than 6 months! I felt like it was easy. I had support and congratulations from my friends and co-workers. People were sharing their stories, talking to me, emailing me and seeking my advice. Most amazing of all, they were telling me how my blog has motivated or inspired them. I felt so good, so happy, so right.

And then I took my eye off the prize.

I lost my focus...

...and I gained 2.5 kilos.

So, tonight I am confessing my sins!


Today, I resisted eating all of this delicious food at work for our Melbourne Cup luncheon - not one bite!!!!

 

And then tonight, I ate half a batch of cheesecake mixture, and then started on the chocolate mousse.

Ugh.

In the last few days I have eaten 2 cheesecake mixtures and about half of a batch of chocolate mousse (I threw the other half out just before writing this blog post). That's about 20,000 kilojoules.

Yep, I calculated it.

Kinda wish I had worked that out before eating it.

I also had people over on the weekend and drank champagne, and ate Indian take away (although I did pick the best thing I could I suppose), aaaaand I drank 3/4 s of a bottle of Moet to celebrate the purchase of my first ever new car - Pearl.

Pretty Pearl

These bad eating days have caused SEVERE temptation to go back to my old habits and starve myself to make up for it. But no, I will not do that to myself. They have made me hate myself, and they have made me feel really down on myself. Eating badly is not just bad for your body and physical health, it ruins your mental health too. I feel disgusting inside, and I feel sick.

So yeah, Ive been bad, really bad, and it's time to fess up and its time to STOP!

Tomorrow I will eat correctly, I will not starve, I will not skip a meal - and I will begin exercise again. I had a goal to be under 100 kg for my birthday on the 19th November, and now it doesnt look like I will make it. When I was 101.2 kg with 19 days to go it was going to be easy, now it's not likely. Oh well, shit happens, and this isn't about losing weight for a date, a holiday or a birthday, it's about losing weight from having a healthy life and feeling the benefits both physically and mentally.

We all fall down, we all lose track - but we ALL can do it.

And I will.

See you in a few kilos!!!

Ever wondered why?

"W T F ?"

Have you ever wondered "why the hell?"? Why me? Why not? Why now? Why didn't it work? Why couldn't this have happened, or that not have happened?

Yeah, me too.

Well, let me tell you the answer - because it was meant to be!

There is a grand plan for you, and everything right now, is happening as it is meant to. You have to trust these two things -

a) everything passes - the good times, and the bad times

and,

b) you can always get something good out of something bad.


I can think of half a dozen situations that baffled me at the time - and now, make complete sense.

Why did I leave everything to move to Melbourne from my home in Sydney for my boyfriend, only to catch him cheating on me and have to move back to Sydney only a couple of months after I left?

Why did I have a psychotic episode from smoking pot and then an ensuing nervous breakdown followed by years of panic disorder?

Why did I finally quit working in nightclubs to get my very first 9-5, respectable day job, to have that company go broke and make me redundant?

Why did I meet "the man of my dreams" who was a lawyer, an absolute darling of a person, who my family adored - who adored me, and was tall, dark and handsome - and feel absolutely zero attraction to him no matter how hard I tried? (and I really did try!!)

Why did a colleague of my mum's go to a workshop and in passing tell mum about it, mum mention this neuropsychologist to me, and why was I the very last patient she took on before she closed her books?

 All valid questions and all frustrating or freaky situations.

Well,

When I was 20 years old I moved to Melbourne for a few short months, because that's where I met Linda. Linda was my next door neighbor, and was a fill-in mum to me when I was 2000 km away from my mum. Linda and I would have scones and a cuppa, we would go shopping and I would drive her to the city because she was nervous driving in the city. We instantly formed a bond, that 21 years later is still strong.

Linda changed my life. Linda was absolutely instrumental in me becoming who I am today. Linda was my angel.

We would talk about stuff and Linda, being a caring, intuitive woman, introduced me to a book that I call my bible - "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck. This book taught me to look inside and evaluate myself, my feelings, and my behaviour. This book taught me that because of my upbringing, I had a "map" of life that was wrong, and that I had the power to re-write that map to become a better human being. This wonderful book ignited a roaring fire in my belly for psychology that still burns today. I even bought a psychology text book and read it from cover to cover - I mean, who does that?!?!?!?

By Linda giving me that book and opening my mind to the world, my potential and the endless possibilities in my life, I began to change myself. At 21 years old I began seeing a counsellor to work on being a nice person. From that moment on, I have worked hard to better myself, pretty much every day of my life thus far, I still am, and always will be!

I will forever be grateful for my angel Linda in pointing me in the right direction in life. Yes, I had my heart broken and was shredded raw from that awful break-up, but it was a small price to pay to have been turned around a full 180 degrees, from a girl who worked in nightclubs with her criminal father, surrounded by drugs and bad people, from being someone who wasn't a very nice person, to become the honest, wise, loving, caring, nerdy scientist I am today!

My Angel  :-)

Why did I have an overwhelming, chaotic, horrifying nervous breakdown from smoking pot? Because now I am a staunch advocate for a drug-free life. Because I know what drugs can do to you. Because I am so grateful it wasn't permanent. Because I have empathy for people who haven't been so lucky. And because when I had a little sister who was under a lot of peer pressure to take drugs I was able to talk frankly and openly to her about my experience so she could make the correct decisions about her life and become the successful woman she is today.

Why did I suffer excruciatingly from panic disorder? Because I came out triumphant! I learnt how to fight, I learnt I was STRONG, and I kicked it's ass. This scary experience has enabled me to be incredibly good at working with people who are anxious, and intuitively know how to help empower them. I am able to share my experience and the tools I used (and still do) so that they might be able to gain some mastery over it. It has made me thoughtful and empathetic towards those who struggle with mental illness, and my triumph often encourages them in thinking they can win too. I am so grateful for having been through that as I am so very blessed by being able to give back to others going through tough times too.

Why did I lose my first ever 9-5 day job? Because it made me take a good hard look at my life and think "what do I want to do for the rest of my life?", and consider university.

My "perfect guy" gave me the courage and support to take a giant leap at 30 years of age, and leave everything I knew to apply for university - he even wrote me a personal referral to vouch for me in my application. His encouragement and belief in me helped me on my journey to become the person I am today!

My mums colleague told her about my psychologist who has guided me so much further than I ever thought I would be able to go. After working on myself for so long I felt that I was stuck with certain anxieties and issues - I was wrong! With Jan's help I have been able to overcome SO MUCH and become so much happier with myself and my life - and now I am blogging and sharing it with the world. Who wudda thought??

It's amazing when you look back and see how all of those turning points, those crises, how those perplexing moments have made you who you are today, and nice to know that whatever is happening now will be looked back upon with the same understanding.

So, never worry about the why's or the why not's, just look for the lesson. Learn, love your life, enjoy the journey and always remember that crisis = opportunity.

Without the bad you cannot fully appreciate the good.

Great things happen - they already are!

xx

Stuck at 103

This is how I feel about being 103 kg!

Sooo, I'm 103 - yay! 5 kilos down.

And not budging.

When I started this blog, on thursday 13 September I was 108 kg, and by sun 23rd Sep I was 105 - 3 kilos in just 10 days (you gotta love the first part of a diet!).

By thursday 4th October I was 103.4 kilos - almost 5 kilos gone, amazing!!! In only 3 weeks! I was elated, and it made sticking to my new way of life so, so easy!

And then came the inevitable bump in the road - Darwin. 5 days of slightly messed-up eating and that damn alcohol consumption! Here's what my weight has done since the 4th October:

04 Oct - 103.4
15 Oct - 104.9
16 Oct - 103.5
17 Oct - 103.0
18 Oct - 103.2
19 Oct - 103.0

So if I hadn't gone to Darwin I wouldn't have gone backwards almost 2 kilos, and I wouldn't be back where I was 2 weeks ago. But that's life isn't it? Yep. Just like anything in life, you fall down, and you get yourself right back up again.

The main thing is - in weight loss, or life in general, is to remember the positive - I've still lost 5 kilos, and yes, I still have a very long way to go. But, I am putting healthy food into my mouth, I am moving my body, I am treating myself with respect, and I am not focusing on the bumps in the road - my eyes are scanning the beautiful scenery of life whilst looking towards that horizon, where I am headed.

Keep your mind on the destination, but please, remember to enjoy the journey.

Think of it like a road trip with a friend - or your sister  ;-)

You get up early, finish packing  your bags, load the car, get the map (or GPS) ready, and off you go! You have to stop at the service station for fuel - and a coffee. Along the way you sing songs, laugh, play eye-spy. You stop for lunch, you stop at the lookout and take photos of the gorgeous scenery. You get pulled over by a policeman for speeding - doing 60km in a 40km zone not realizing the speed limit had changed. You start feeling sleepy  but push on until you get to that silly tourist attraction - a giant piece of fruit. And of course you have to take rude, inappropriate photos with it - it has to be done! You re-fuel, and off you go again, singing and laughing once more, doing awesome car dancing moves that really should be on YouTube. You get stuck at roadworks, you hit a giant pothole and panic thinking you're going to get a flat tyre. After 7 hours of driving you start cursing yourself! Why the hell didn't you just fly?!?!?!? Arrrrrgh!!! You stop for a nap as you just cant drive any further and stay safe. You go in to the local shop for some food - and all they have is day-old pies. Oh well, you get a pie, a coke, and chocolate. An hour after eating that you feel sick, but, your heart beat starts to quicken - only an  hour to go! With each kilometer your excitement grows, your energy rises again, until finally, you make it!!!!

You finally make to your destination and instantly, that big pothole, the roadworks, the tiredness, that pie, are all forgotten - you made it!!!!! You chat and laugh about the fun things you did along the way, re-living how fun the road trip has been, and thoroughly enjoy the excited, triumphant feeling of having made it to your destination, and having the exciting time of planning all the great things you're going to do now that you're there - oh the fun you will have!!!


Here's some pics from one of the many road trips I had with my sister  :-)

 

 

Love my sista xx

Derailed in Darwin

Gorgeous sunset at Mindil Beach

Sooooo, the big question - how I have I been managing my diet at the conference in Darwin? Well let's see, on wednesday I broke my diet, on thursday I broke my diet, friday, ummmm, oh yeah, I broke my diet, aaaand saturday I broke my diet.

Pretty awesome huh? Not.

I'm not looking forward to stepping on those scales when I get home and see what damage I've done.

On the brightside - 'cause there's always a bright side, I mostly stuck to it, and my breaches were minor, and taught me a lesson which will help me in the future. This lesson is -

Putting the wrong stuff in your body makes you feel crap!

On day one I ate a small piece of cheesecake (not the base) and on day two I ate some of the marscapone cream out of the tiramisu. My reasoning was - "I'm allowed cheesecake at home (the Atkins kind) and I'm allowed cream (ah, but what about all the sugar that's probably in it?"). So, I talked myself into it being OK when really it wasn't. After both of these diet breaches I was flattened by the sugar high followed by the sugar low and had to go back to the apartment for a nap. It smashed me! I felt crap. After that I didn't eat anything I shouldn't - no matter how yummy!

The deserts I resisted at the conference dinner.

Despite this I actually think I did really well - I planned what to do, and as soon as I arrived I went straight to the supermarket and bought chicken, eggs, cheese ham and bacon. I brought Atkins bars and sugar-free jelly with me from home. When eating the conference food everyone I spoke to was supportive and helped me "eat animals and green stuff". I picked the meat out of sandwiches one day, ate a whole plate of just barramundi (yum!) another day, and picked the beef out of a curry the other. At the functions I didn't really eat as there wasn't much suitable - but I had prepared for that and eaten at the apartment before I left. We were taken out for dinner one night and I ate fish, avoiding any of the entrees and bread successfully. When I went to the Mindil markets (OMG, amazing!), I had a crocodile sirloin steak sandwich without the bread and the guys preparing it were very supportive of the no carb thing, discussing with me what was in the various sauces and chutney and offering alternatives - the macadamia and lemon myrtle pesto was to die for! I had lemongrass prawn skewers that made me want to weep they were so crisp, fresh and delicious! Amazing, fresh local Darwin produce.

Crocodile sirloin - yum!!

Mindil sunset markets

They were the best, and most enormous markets I've ever seen!

Sunset at Mindil Beach

So what's the big deal you say? Sounds like I was really good! Ah yes, but we are forgetting the alcohol! Damn, delicious, irresistible alcohol. On night one I had decided to have one or two champagnes in celebration of how well I had done thus far - and had six. On night two I had another two glasses. On night three I had 4 beers - but at least chose the low carb beer which isn't quite as bad. I also had a glass of champagne when I got back to the apartment. And then on night four I had several champagnes. Hopeless!

Oh well, what do ya do?

Answer - you dust yourself off and pick yourself up! Im thinking of the of the positives - imagine what I would have done if I was eating anything I wanted? The desserts, the bread, the pastries, the greasy, fatty, carby finger food. Oh geeze, I could have done much MUCH worse!

So overall, I'm actually pretty happy with myself. I could have done better, but I could have done a hell of a lot worse. I have had a great time, I have seen more of our beautiful country and I have been touched by the support and loveliness of the people I know, and the people I met. Although the stifling heat and humidity was almost unbearable, Darwin has been a wonderful, and beautiful adventure both visually and emotionally.

Below are some photos from my trip, if you haven't been to Darwin, head on over and have a look at our beautiful country and have a chat with the friendly people here. If you can spare a few days absolutely get in to see Katherine Gorge, Kakadu and take a visit to Arnhem Land and learn more about our indigenous people and their history.

See you in a few kilos (not sure if that will be plus a few, or minus a few!). xx

Cute little bearded dragon. I love him!!

2 yr old croc - so soft!

3 metre water python. Such a beautiful animal.

One of the hatchlings

800 kilo Wendel - a big BIG boy of around 90 yrs

700 kilo Burt starred in the movie Crocodile Dundee!

Wandering through the art installations

So you know what all the weird fridges are about!

My favourite - check out the helipad!

Watching the sunrise while having breakfast.

 

Isn't Darwin amazing?!?   xx